Saturday, February 11, 2012

Doin' it Right This Time: The Logitech G9x Gaming Mouse

Once bitten by Razer's Imperator, I had a hard time getting back into the mouse hunt. Logitech's beastie of a gaming peripheral eased my fears.

Today I give thanks. I give thanks to my parents for replacing my gift - chosen by me - of a Razer Imperator game oriented mouse with a Logitech G9x. The latter is superior to the former in the way that, say, rice is better than maggots, or sex is better than immolation.

Speaking of sex:

Have you ever talked up a gorgeous girl through happy hour and beyond, gotten her to invite you over to her place, arrived there, undressed, embraced, engaged in salacious foreplay, convinced her to go down on you, and discovered she somehow thinks it's pleasurable for her to use her teeth on your delicate member? That's a terrible analogy to the experience I endured the week of my birthday with the Razer Imperator gaming mouse. It's a very pretty but ultimately frustrating input device that needs to be avoided by all gamers at all costs, and the production facilities involved in creating it really, really should be bombed to rubble like Dresden.

The G9x has all those features and things you've come to expect from Logitech, like customizable weights, a tilting, high velocity scroll wheel, buttons, etc. It also comes with two faceplates, the smaller of which was evidently made for children and people afflicted with VSLTS (very small limb terminator syndrome, a charity that means a lot to me). The larger feels better, both in terms of tactile yumminess and just plain bulk.

Salvation in a mouse
The LEDs, which all mice must presumably feature to indicate the sensitivity level to which the mouse is currently set, have the cool capability to glow in dozens of colors of your choice. Red is the default, though you might want, say, blue or purple. I don't know why orange is there. People who would willingly make mouse LEDs turn orange are probably future serial killers.

The SetPoint software, which I found through some painful trial and error works only when you install and run it as an administrator (at least, on Windows 7 x64), lets you do all the stuff scores of Logitech mouse reviewers have already written about: Create up to five dpi sensitivities for the 5700 dpi sensor; program per-EXE-file macros into the mouse's onboard memory, tip nearby cattle using the power of your mind, and so on.

What I'm trying to say is, the G9x restored my faith in mice. Once you go Logitech, you really shouldn't go back, because you end up with Imperators that shut down randomly when you're in the middle of a really tough spot in The Darkness II and there hasn't been an auto-save in what seems like 32 hours.

Now on to other things. Before I go sterilize the scrape on my penis, I have to sum things up. I currently have two gaming keyboards from back when PR people used to send me stuff like that for free, and as of yesterday they're both broken. I'm limping along with from a generic multimedia keyboard, all shy and stuff because it's in the company of a terrific Dell display, killer Logitech Z-5500 speakers, and a G9x  mouse that could easily take the place of Thor's hammer Mj√∂lner. One of these things is not like the others...

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