Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm Famous! Slip Away Made the Newspaper!

Yee-haw! My psychologically dramatic e-novel got two column inches, on page 9, of section C, in the local Rochester Democrat & Chronicle! There's a little book section in the dwindling dead tree edition every Sunday, and one of the columns features local authors. Slip Away got a tiny write up.

There was even a massive surge of sales on December 11, when it appeared. I sold, like, ten copies! Bestseller list, here I come!

Now that I'm clearly a household name, I expect money and gifts to start pouring in any second. In fact, I recently checked the mailbox and it contained several scary white window envelopes, each of which had something to do with me giving the sender money. Now that my book is taking off like a goddamn rocket, I'll be able to continue to tell the senders that I'm broke and challenge them to get blood out of a stone. Currently, procuring money from me is akin to pulling Excalibur from its rock and becoming the ruler of England. It's just not going to happen.

Anyway, I have been playing games, a lot, and I swear I'm going to redesign this page a bit and concentrate on gaming. Someone has to do it in a reasoned matter, that's somewhat irreverent in a way that gamers get (that was a dig at Spike TV, which ruined the 2011 VGAs with gusto and made me embarrassed to be a gaming enthusiast). The main hurdle has been my deteriorating health. Sciatica sucks so much ass, it's pretty much inflated with methane by now.

I've got opinions on Skyrim, Batman: Arkham City, Assassin's Creed Revelations, LA Noire, Serious Sam 3 or whatever it's called, and more, all played on PC because none of the fucking gaming companies don't send me console games anymore. (Except Capcom - you guys rock!) 

Had I the ability, the capital, and stable health, I'd happily start a Consumer Reports style gaming mag or site, for which the staff would buy games, turn away any press tchotchkies and materials, play the games like normal people without behind the scenes secrets, and give the most totally honest and unbiased reviews. I'm sick of sites that hire kids who will "write" reviews, compensated with a free game and five bucks. Such reviews usually translate to "Gee wiz! I got a game! Thank you Jesus! It's really neat! 8/10!!!!"

That's enough bitching. Go buy my book. Game roundup in the works. Have a great week and don't forget to buy tasteful Christmas presents for your coworkers. That cute secretary would probably dig a Hallmark snow globe, and you might get a date or a blow job or something out of it.